1. "I’m Tired"
One simply is not tired on Valentine’s Day. You spend all night out with your love, you do not ever get tired. You can go to five movies and have dinner, but you only get one day a year like Valentine’s Day, carpe diem, seize the moment.
2. "I’ve had a crush on you for like the last five years."
You never ever reveal your dying love for someone on Valentine’s Day. You just don’t, it kills your friendship.
3. "Get whatever you want on the menu. My treat.
Fine. That is a nice gesture, a little pompous (no matter if you are male or female), and totally stupid. When he or she orders the buffalo meat that was aged for 100 years in clay pots in Mayan temples that will end up costing you $200, when you get to the other part of the Valentines evening, you will not be able to get that $200. Totally not worth it.
While searching across the internet, I also stumbled across a few jokes that I thought were rather funny, I’d like to share a few, the source is at the end, I hope you enjoy. J
“I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I like clay. It's mushy.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentines’ cards forhis daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds ofcards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they haveanything for ex-wives.”
The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they do have an‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.”
“Really?”
“Yes sir. They’re called darts.”
One simply is not tired on Valentine’s Day. You spend all night out with your love, you do not ever get tired. You can go to five movies and have dinner, but you only get one day a year like Valentine’s Day, carpe diem, seize the moment.
2. "I’ve had a crush on you for like the last five years."
You never ever reveal your dying love for someone on Valentine’s Day. You just don’t, it kills your friendship.
3. "Get whatever you want on the menu. My treat.
Fine. That is a nice gesture, a little pompous (no matter if you are male or female), and totally stupid. When he or she orders the buffalo meat that was aged for 100 years in clay pots in Mayan temples that will end up costing you $200, when you get to the other part of the Valentines evening, you will not be able to get that $200. Totally not worth it.
While searching across the internet, I also stumbled across a few jokes that I thought were rather funny, I’d like to share a few, the source is at the end, I hope you enjoy. J
“I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden ... but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
Something tells me that you're very special ... but with medication I can usually ignore it.
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
"I find you very attractive."
I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired.
People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell.
I used to come here all the time with my ex.
I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.
I like clay. It's mushy.
I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look.
And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest.
I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask.
It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am.
Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London.
The jeweller inquired, 'Would you like your girlfriend's name engraved on it?'
Roger thought for a moment, grinned, then answered, 'No, instead engrave 'To my one and only love'.'
The jeweller smiled and said, 'Yes, sir; how very romantic of you.'
Roger retorted with a glint in his eye, 'Not exactly romantic, but very practical. This way, if we break up, I can use it again.'
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
A man went to the mall this last week to buy Valentines’ cards forhis daughter and mother. The 50 feet of displays for hundreds ofcards astounded him. He muttered out loud, “I wonder if they haveanything for ex-wives.”
The clerk behind the counter said, “Oh, yes sir, they do have an‘ex’ category, but they’re in Sporting Goods.”
“Really?”
“Yes sir. They’re called darts.”