How Do I Know If I Have True Friends Around Me?
Submission by: Sory Park
If you have ever wondered how to look for true friends, get ready to identify the different characteristics! We all have one person that will help us take a step forward to a life full of friendship and love. You may not find that important person today or in a few weeks, but you will some time in the future. Try not to worry if your friends do not have all the following because it takes time.
1. True friends care about you. They don’t offer or give help because they will receive something from you. True friendship is not an exchange. They help you get out of sticky problems because they don’t want you to be locked in a small room by yourself. The inner beauty of a person is the most important—make sure you have seen, felt, and heard their deep heart.
2. True friends are like books that keep their locks closed forever. You can share personal or private information, but it will never leave between the two of you. Try telling your friends a little secret and watch to see if they open their mouth. If they do, don’t say anything, but keep in mind to prevent disagreements or fights. Rumors are spread by people that are not your true friends.
3. True friends spend time with you. They may have a busy schedule, but they will always try to put you at the top of their list. Although you might not have planned an agenda to be with them, you are stuck together like glue, often without even realizing it.
4. Loyalty is the most important value in a true friendship. It determines everyone’s inner heart. Friends may be loyal to you, but may not be when a situation arrives or changes. For example, a twelve grader insulted and pushed you. If your friend stands up and stops the big twelve grader, you would consider him/her a true friend. If she backs up and stays there as a scared, little lady bug, then she is just an acquaintance.
Don’t panic about not having friends that best suit these characteristics. It takes time and effort to build meaningful relationships that will withstand issues that arise.
1. True friends care about you. They don’t offer or give help because they will receive something from you. True friendship is not an exchange. They help you get out of sticky problems because they don’t want you to be locked in a small room by yourself. The inner beauty of a person is the most important—make sure you have seen, felt, and heard their deep heart.
2. True friends are like books that keep their locks closed forever. You can share personal or private information, but it will never leave between the two of you. Try telling your friends a little secret and watch to see if they open their mouth. If they do, don’t say anything, but keep in mind to prevent disagreements or fights. Rumors are spread by people that are not your true friends.
3. True friends spend time with you. They may have a busy schedule, but they will always try to put you at the top of their list. Although you might not have planned an agenda to be with them, you are stuck together like glue, often without even realizing it.
4. Loyalty is the most important value in a true friendship. It determines everyone’s inner heart. Friends may be loyal to you, but may not be when a situation arrives or changes. For example, a twelve grader insulted and pushed you. If your friend stands up and stops the big twelve grader, you would consider him/her a true friend. If she backs up and stays there as a scared, little lady bug, then she is just an acquaintance.
Don’t panic about not having friends that best suit these characteristics. It takes time and effort to build meaningful relationships that will withstand issues that arise.
11 Signs That You’re Best Friends
by: Emma Yee Yick
1. You can fart in front of them—with no shame whatsoever.
2. They’ve seen you with very little amount of clothing—aka. You’ve stopped feeling the need to wear pants around them.
3. You can insult each other and be mean, but never get hard feelings.
4. You can indulge in all your guilty pleasures together.
“Nachos and ice cream?”
“Why not? YOLO.”
5. You’re not afraid to cry in front of them.
6. No matter if you’re wrong or if you’re right, they’ll back you up.
7. You can be honest with each other 110%. You aren’t afraid to tell them anything and if you have a secret you can't wait to tell them and you know they won't judge.
8. You can never stay angry at each other for longer than a day or two—sometimes not even that.
10. They will wear things just to make you feel better. “On Wednesdays we wear pink.”
11. They don’t ask if they can come to your house or for your food, they just come on in through the door and raid the fridge.
12. They “like” your Facebook updates, Instagram photos, and Tweets as soon as they go up.
13. You’re Facebook friends with each other’s parents, siblings, and significant others.
If more than 11 of these are true for you, then you and the person you have in mind are most definitely best friends. Don’t take them for granted!
2. They’ve seen you with very little amount of clothing—aka. You’ve stopped feeling the need to wear pants around them.
3. You can insult each other and be mean, but never get hard feelings.
4. You can indulge in all your guilty pleasures together.
“Nachos and ice cream?”
“Why not? YOLO.”
5. You’re not afraid to cry in front of them.
6. No matter if you’re wrong or if you’re right, they’ll back you up.
7. You can be honest with each other 110%. You aren’t afraid to tell them anything and if you have a secret you can't wait to tell them and you know they won't judge.
8. You can never stay angry at each other for longer than a day or two—sometimes not even that.
10. They will wear things just to make you feel better. “On Wednesdays we wear pink.”
11. They don’t ask if they can come to your house or for your food, they just come on in through the door and raid the fridge.
12. They “like” your Facebook updates, Instagram photos, and Tweets as soon as they go up.
13. You’re Facebook friends with each other’s parents, siblings, and significant others.
If more than 11 of these are true for you, then you and the person you have in mind are most definitely best friends. Don’t take them for granted!
The Secret to Maintaining Long Distance Friendships
by: Olivia Benecke
As students of an international school, many of us are much too familiar with the feeling of losing amazing friends on a regular basis. I’m not going to sugar coat it; it’s awful in the beginning. The thought of being without certain people is unbearable, and keeping in touch can sometimes seem completely impossible. I know that when my best friend left after freshman year, I was an absolute disaster! Luckily, we made a promise to each other to stay in touch no matter what. Period. Two years later, Yeggi and I are as close as ever! How did we manage to do it? It’s easier than you think.
1. Create a schedule. Often times, friends are carried into dramatically different time zones. Rather than giving up automatically, work out a time that is convenient for both of you and stick with it!
2. Check in AT LEAST once a week. It might not sound like much, but a minimum contact time needs to be set so that falling out of touch will be impossible.
3. Video chat! Skype, Oovoo, Facetime, whatever your personal preference may be…just do it! While instant messaging is awesome, it certainly cannot beat the closeness of an actual conversation. If you have the time, go the extra mile and watch a movie or eat a meal together over a video conversation.
4. Keep messages short, but frequent. Rather than writing monthly summaries, send quick little messages throughout the day. It makes each of you feel like you’re part of one another’s day.
5. Keep them in the loop! If a friend moves away, there’s nothing better than hearing about what’s new back at home. The last thing they’ll want is to visit, only to have realized that everything has changed. Likewise, if you are the one doing the relocating, tell your friend about the things changing around you. They’re guaranteed to be interested, and this way you can integrate them into your new life as opposed to creating a new separate one.
6. Accept that change is inevitable. As location changes, so do people. Don’t let this frustrate you! Prepare yourself from the very beginning that things aren’t going to be as they always were, and that’s ok! Look for and talk about the changes that occur with your friend and yourself. While the two of you may change, your friendship will most definitely not.
7. Plan visits. While our schedules and wallets make this difficult sometimes, visits are absolutely vital in maintaining a strong friendship. All of the above tips are extremely helpful, but none can compare to the excitement of an actual meeting. It doesn’t have to be frequent, but make sure it happens eventually. And having a visiting date makes the time in between pass by so, so much faster.
So before you throw in the towel, remember that sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yeggi and I have not only managed to stay in touch, but we’ve also grown much closer. She’s my person: the one I look to when life has gotten to be too much, the one I can trust with the most bizarre of secrets, the one who encourages me to be the best possible version of myself, and the one who accepts me as I come, ugly, pretty, happy, sad…she’s there no matter what! Had we never given long distance a chance, I would be without a person, something I can’t even begin to imagine. Certain friends are simply worth too much to lose, so don’t let it happen!
1. Create a schedule. Often times, friends are carried into dramatically different time zones. Rather than giving up automatically, work out a time that is convenient for both of you and stick with it!
2. Check in AT LEAST once a week. It might not sound like much, but a minimum contact time needs to be set so that falling out of touch will be impossible.
3. Video chat! Skype, Oovoo, Facetime, whatever your personal preference may be…just do it! While instant messaging is awesome, it certainly cannot beat the closeness of an actual conversation. If you have the time, go the extra mile and watch a movie or eat a meal together over a video conversation.
4. Keep messages short, but frequent. Rather than writing monthly summaries, send quick little messages throughout the day. It makes each of you feel like you’re part of one another’s day.
5. Keep them in the loop! If a friend moves away, there’s nothing better than hearing about what’s new back at home. The last thing they’ll want is to visit, only to have realized that everything has changed. Likewise, if you are the one doing the relocating, tell your friend about the things changing around you. They’re guaranteed to be interested, and this way you can integrate them into your new life as opposed to creating a new separate one.
6. Accept that change is inevitable. As location changes, so do people. Don’t let this frustrate you! Prepare yourself from the very beginning that things aren’t going to be as they always were, and that’s ok! Look for and talk about the changes that occur with your friend and yourself. While the two of you may change, your friendship will most definitely not.
7. Plan visits. While our schedules and wallets make this difficult sometimes, visits are absolutely vital in maintaining a strong friendship. All of the above tips are extremely helpful, but none can compare to the excitement of an actual meeting. It doesn’t have to be frequent, but make sure it happens eventually. And having a visiting date makes the time in between pass by so, so much faster.
So before you throw in the towel, remember that sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder. Yeggi and I have not only managed to stay in touch, but we’ve also grown much closer. She’s my person: the one I look to when life has gotten to be too much, the one I can trust with the most bizarre of secrets, the one who encourages me to be the best possible version of myself, and the one who accepts me as I come, ugly, pretty, happy, sad…she’s there no matter what! Had we never given long distance a chance, I would be without a person, something I can’t even begin to imagine. Certain friends are simply worth too much to lose, so don’t let it happen!
Thanks to Them: Life Lessons Learned Through Friendship
by: Emma Yee Yick
“If you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” The tricky part about friendship is timing. Timing is everything. Friends will come and go from your life; some will stay for what seems like forever and others for a few years or maybe even a few months. But one thing that’s for sure is that every one that comes in will teach you something. Not in the direct, “Let me teach you this,” way, but in an indirect and subtle way. One that isn’t purposefully taught but rather one that is learned all the same.
Flashback to second grade: I met a girl named Molly* and we instantly became best friends. Our parents were already close and it was almost as if we were destined to become friends. We were in the same class all the way up until 6th grade. We played on the same soccer teams, liked the same things, had the same group of friends, were at each other’s houses almost every weekend, and slowly but surely we just became comfortable with each other—we were best friends. But then I moved—halfway across the globe (or so it seemed). The first few years the distance didn’t affect us that much. We saw each other at every chance we got, and when we did it was like nothing had changed. But then came the inevitable growing apart stage in our friendship. Our lives weren’t in sync anymore. We grew up. From the younger versions of ourselves that we both knew, to older, more mature young adults, who weren’t as familiar with each other, who didn’t know what the other’s favorite TV show was or what their love life was like. The hardest part about this drifting was just the sheer fact that we had grown used to each other—and even though deep inside I think we both knew that this was bound to happen—we didn’t want to let go. But, it was inevitable. This friendship taught me the importance of having to move on but to never forget. There were no hard feelings; on the contrary there were only feelings of appreciation and love. For the girl who was my childhood best friend, who I made so many incredible memories with, and who I still care about more than anything, but whose life I just wasn’t apart of anymore.
Flash forward to middle school years. When I moved thousands of miles away from home during middle I learned that the quality of a friendship doesn’t depend on how long you’ve known each other, but instead on the quality of the experiences you have. When I was in 7th grade I met some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known. Most of these friends I met through soccer, but there were other who I met in class and in student council. These girls taught me how important it is to be accepting. I was the new girl, and on top of that, the American new girl. But despite both of these facts, I never felt more apart of something in my life. In no time we had hundreds of inside jokes and had exchanged so many smiles. Because of them, I learned the value of letting people in, of giving people a chance in hopes that they’ll surprise you and leave an impact on your life, like these girls left on mine.
Then I met Ellie*. Ellie and I had been friends for about a year before we realized that what we had was something more. I don’t mean that in a corny romantic way, but what I mean is that there came a point in our friendship when I knew we would be best friend. Better yet, that we both knew it, and would be best friends for life. It started off with common interests, being each other’s partners for class projects and it evolved into talking for long periods of time, Facebooking all summer with her in Korea and me in the US, and eventually spending almost every waking moment of the day together—if we couldn’t be in the same place we’d talk through the internet and on the phone. Ellie knew my deepest, darkest secrets, helped me through some of the worst and tremulous times in my life. She raised me up and made me laugh when I thought I couldn’t and held my hand when I needed to cry. To this day I literally have no idea what I’d do without her. Ellie got me past boys and breakup, bad grades and stressful finals, past things I knew I couldn’t have conquered on my own. From her, I learned the importance of forgiveness, the power of laughing, and about how you always fight for the ones you love. I would do anything for her and I know she’d do the same for me.
Then came the era of “Nuestra Mara.” It’s every girls' dream to have a group of friends. You see it in the movies all the time—a group in which everyone is so different, with their own quirks and personalities, but who come together to form this indescribable, dynamic friendship. That’s what happened to me. I’m not really sure how it happened exactly, but it happened in such a way, at such a crucial and needing time in my life, that I almost feel like it was meant to be. Now, we’re inseparable and I can’t begin to describe how nice it feels to live a life knowing that they’ve got my back—always. They taught me that it’s okay to depend on someone else once in awhile and that laughter is the best medicine of all.
I have no doubt that over the next few years I’ll meet even more friends who will change me and mold me into the ever evolving person I am, people who will make me a better friend and who will continue to teach me the value of true, unwavering friendship.
*Names have been changed for the purpose of this article.
Flashback to second grade: I met a girl named Molly* and we instantly became best friends. Our parents were already close and it was almost as if we were destined to become friends. We were in the same class all the way up until 6th grade. We played on the same soccer teams, liked the same things, had the same group of friends, were at each other’s houses almost every weekend, and slowly but surely we just became comfortable with each other—we were best friends. But then I moved—halfway across the globe (or so it seemed). The first few years the distance didn’t affect us that much. We saw each other at every chance we got, and when we did it was like nothing had changed. But then came the inevitable growing apart stage in our friendship. Our lives weren’t in sync anymore. We grew up. From the younger versions of ourselves that we both knew, to older, more mature young adults, who weren’t as familiar with each other, who didn’t know what the other’s favorite TV show was or what their love life was like. The hardest part about this drifting was just the sheer fact that we had grown used to each other—and even though deep inside I think we both knew that this was bound to happen—we didn’t want to let go. But, it was inevitable. This friendship taught me the importance of having to move on but to never forget. There were no hard feelings; on the contrary there were only feelings of appreciation and love. For the girl who was my childhood best friend, who I made so many incredible memories with, and who I still care about more than anything, but whose life I just wasn’t apart of anymore.
Flash forward to middle school years. When I moved thousands of miles away from home during middle I learned that the quality of a friendship doesn’t depend on how long you’ve known each other, but instead on the quality of the experiences you have. When I was in 7th grade I met some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever known. Most of these friends I met through soccer, but there were other who I met in class and in student council. These girls taught me how important it is to be accepting. I was the new girl, and on top of that, the American new girl. But despite both of these facts, I never felt more apart of something in my life. In no time we had hundreds of inside jokes and had exchanged so many smiles. Because of them, I learned the value of letting people in, of giving people a chance in hopes that they’ll surprise you and leave an impact on your life, like these girls left on mine.
Then I met Ellie*. Ellie and I had been friends for about a year before we realized that what we had was something more. I don’t mean that in a corny romantic way, but what I mean is that there came a point in our friendship when I knew we would be best friend. Better yet, that we both knew it, and would be best friends for life. It started off with common interests, being each other’s partners for class projects and it evolved into talking for long periods of time, Facebooking all summer with her in Korea and me in the US, and eventually spending almost every waking moment of the day together—if we couldn’t be in the same place we’d talk through the internet and on the phone. Ellie knew my deepest, darkest secrets, helped me through some of the worst and tremulous times in my life. She raised me up and made me laugh when I thought I couldn’t and held my hand when I needed to cry. To this day I literally have no idea what I’d do without her. Ellie got me past boys and breakup, bad grades and stressful finals, past things I knew I couldn’t have conquered on my own. From her, I learned the importance of forgiveness, the power of laughing, and about how you always fight for the ones you love. I would do anything for her and I know she’d do the same for me.
Then came the era of “Nuestra Mara.” It’s every girls' dream to have a group of friends. You see it in the movies all the time—a group in which everyone is so different, with their own quirks and personalities, but who come together to form this indescribable, dynamic friendship. That’s what happened to me. I’m not really sure how it happened exactly, but it happened in such a way, at such a crucial and needing time in my life, that I almost feel like it was meant to be. Now, we’re inseparable and I can’t begin to describe how nice it feels to live a life knowing that they’ve got my back—always. They taught me that it’s okay to depend on someone else once in awhile and that laughter is the best medicine of all.
I have no doubt that over the next few years I’ll meet even more friends who will change me and mold me into the ever evolving person I am, people who will make me a better friend and who will continue to teach me the value of true, unwavering friendship.
*Names have been changed for the purpose of this article.
Can Guys and Girls Really be "Just Friends"?
by: Eun Biy Ko
Many say that a boy and a girl can’t simply be “just friends.” They firmly believe that at some point love will interfere; either because the male feels an attraction towards the female, which they say is the case most of the time, or vice versa. There is also the situation when both the male and female want to move to the next step of their friendship. What many people tend to forget, however, is that there is also a possibility of neither of them feeling attracted towards their best friend.
I (and the several people I asked) believe that maintaining a platonic friendship is possible. Personally, I think that forming a friendship with the opposite gender is crucial. Men and women have different thoughts, point of views, and reactions to the world. Having someone that can openly share those thoughts with you will help you interact better with the rest of the world. Also, the drama is drastically decreased—for the girls, at least. Boys don’t get jealous of you and they definitely will not criticize and judge your every waking movement. Boys also like to have a girl’s perspective sometimes, I know my guy friends do. They’re always asking questions like what they should wear to this event, what they should do in a certain situation, what girls like and dislike, and so forth.
Now, let’s get a little more personal. Remember the four scenarios I mentioned previously? While writing this article I realized that I had experienced every single one of them, I bet you have as well. The first situation I experienced was the friendship turning into a relationship. I know, this is not good to mention first since my article is about boys and girls being able to maintain a friendship, but it is totally acceptable to move on to the next step if both parties are willing to. We were really close friends; we could talk about anything and everything. I felt so comfortable with him that I was the first one to make the move, and soon he expressed his feelings as well. That’s how our relationship emerged—young, innocent first love. The relationship, of course, came to an end and with it followed the strong bond we had formed before and during our relationship. That probably is one of the biggest drawbacks of dating your best friend—the friendship ends as well.
Aside from this failed relationship, I’ve had a handful of guy friends who I’ve been able to maintain as just friends. Yes, there have been times when I was secretly crushing on my best buddy and, though as not so often, I’ve had instances when I was the one being crushed on. I’m proud to say that I overcame these two scenarios and continued building a stronger friendship. I’ve also had friendships were even the thought of having an intimate relationship didn’t cross neither of our minds, not even once.
I hope that by now you guys will have realized that boys and girls can be best friends with no love intervening. So, if you are one of the people who strongly believe that there is no such thing as “just friends” between a boy and a girl, think again.
I (and the several people I asked) believe that maintaining a platonic friendship is possible. Personally, I think that forming a friendship with the opposite gender is crucial. Men and women have different thoughts, point of views, and reactions to the world. Having someone that can openly share those thoughts with you will help you interact better with the rest of the world. Also, the drama is drastically decreased—for the girls, at least. Boys don’t get jealous of you and they definitely will not criticize and judge your every waking movement. Boys also like to have a girl’s perspective sometimes, I know my guy friends do. They’re always asking questions like what they should wear to this event, what they should do in a certain situation, what girls like and dislike, and so forth.
Now, let’s get a little more personal. Remember the four scenarios I mentioned previously? While writing this article I realized that I had experienced every single one of them, I bet you have as well. The first situation I experienced was the friendship turning into a relationship. I know, this is not good to mention first since my article is about boys and girls being able to maintain a friendship, but it is totally acceptable to move on to the next step if both parties are willing to. We were really close friends; we could talk about anything and everything. I felt so comfortable with him that I was the first one to make the move, and soon he expressed his feelings as well. That’s how our relationship emerged—young, innocent first love. The relationship, of course, came to an end and with it followed the strong bond we had formed before and during our relationship. That probably is one of the biggest drawbacks of dating your best friend—the friendship ends as well.
Aside from this failed relationship, I’ve had a handful of guy friends who I’ve been able to maintain as just friends. Yes, there have been times when I was secretly crushing on my best buddy and, though as not so often, I’ve had instances when I was the one being crushed on. I’m proud to say that I overcame these two scenarios and continued building a stronger friendship. I’ve also had friendships were even the thought of having an intimate relationship didn’t cross neither of our minds, not even once.
I hope that by now you guys will have realized that boys and girls can be best friends with no love intervening. So, if you are one of the people who strongly believe that there is no such thing as “just friends” between a boy and a girl, think again.
5 Signs You Have a Bad Friend
by: Shreeja Bhattacharjee
We all have that one “friend.” You know the one I’m talking about, the one who’s not really much of a friend. If you’re not sure, here’s a list of indicators that it’s time to leave that friendship:
- It’s all about them. This may not be all that noticeable at first, but after a couple of days/weeks, it becomes obvious that in their world there exists only one person, which in fact is themselves. To them, the entire world, nay, the universe exists just to make them happy. Having a stressful day? Sounds like the perfect time to listen to endless lectures about themselves! And, yes, it is a bit of a stretch, but these types of “friends” do exist.
- The Not-There-When-You-Need-Them friend. You spend your time helping them out when they’re in trouble and picking them up when they’re down. But when you need a helping hand, where are they? Not beside you. But come around a week when they need someone to rely on, you’ll be by their side, supporting them. But why? You don’t need that in your life! You can do better.
- Their favorite hobby is to put you down! We all have one friend who’s very honest with us. Not sure if that dress flatters you? They will tell it to you straight if it doesn’t. Not sure if you look awful in that suit? They will let you know! However, there’s a difference between being honest and putting people down. This trait is one of the worst traits because if your self-confidence isn’t very high, they can easily hurt you.
- They’re comparable to velcro. Taking a nice walk outside for a breath of fresh air all by yourself? Well, it’s not all by yourself anymore! Take a look at your arm and you’ll find attached to you the velcro-friend. This friend, just like Velcro, intends to stick to you. Forever. And ever. And ever. They will never let go and will make a fuss if you have anything remotely close to contact with another human being. If you comply to their wishes, you will find that slowly the number of other friends you have will decrease 'till you only have them. If you’re in this situation, it’s time to tell them to let it go.
- You’re not sure if they like you or your car. Even if you don’t have a car, this still applies. Basically, this friend seems keen on spending time with you only when they need something from you, be it a car, money, house, etc. Another lovely trait that is associated with this is that they will never return the favor! Don’t trick yourself into thinking that they’ll help you out when you need it, because they won’t.